divorcing a narcissist
As part of the narc series here, we are going to dive deeper into the bare bones of areas to note when divorcing from a narcissist.
Disclaimer: None of the Empire Life blog articles are meant to replace or are therapy or are medical or therapeutic or are counseling or lawyer advice. The articles here are merely citing from our personal experience on the team and with our clients, and in our own lives.
Please take what you need from the articles here and take what serves you in your time of mourning of the ending of a relationship with a narcissist, and do not take to heart what doesn’t serve you in these articles.
All of the blogs here on the Empire Life Blog are meant to give feedback from our personal experiences, clients experiences in us guiding them, and we hope the feedback can be nurturing for you in finding what you need.
The Sneaking Items That Narcs Can Do When Divorcing Them
We will be featuring narcissist expert Rebecca Zung in this article too, as she has a lot of excellent practical feedback about handling narcs throughout divorce.
She is the best-selling author of ‘Negotiate Like You Matter’.
If you are seeking great reads too check out our best-selling book here.
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1 Be Ready For The Narcissist To Be In Full Attack Mode
They might be saying they want to settle the divorce peacefully yet this is most likely not the case and not going to happen.
Please don’t trust them when they say that you both do not need an attorney. While they are saying this they are most likely lining up their ducks in a row and/or hiding money. They often say, “I do not want to fight and I do not want to spend money on attorney fees.”
However, this is painting a picture of something untrue. Painting a picture to everyone of how they are the greatest and honest person and the other person (their target) is a villain.
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2 Expect Lying
Everything you say or do will be used against you, even if it is not meant to be in this way. Please be careful with your words, emails, and texts. They are not above recording your phone conversations, and editing them to make you sound like a ‘bad person’.
They say things to bait their target, this means they will carefully curate saying things to absolutely trigger you.
Remember they have been studying you for awhile and know all of your trigger points (most likely). Boundaries are uber important through this.
Please think through before responding.
Only respond to the absolute needed things to respond, for example only respond to a question, such as “What time will you pick up our son on Monday,”.
A sample someone can respond is, “Thank you for your message, I deny any of your allegations, I’ll pick our son up at 3 pm Monday.”
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3 Document As Much As Possible Before Trial And/Or Mediation
Every time the co-parent misses a time with the child or sends an angry text or angry email, make sure to document this. Keep a log in a google document or saved on an external hard-drive if your ex-partner knows any of your passwords or has access to your email or can get access to your email.
Take screenshots, and save all files to an external hard drive or all documentation of anything a narcissist sends you. You will want to be and need to be prepared because they are most likely storing evidence on you, and aiming to maneuver the evidence to seem daunting towards your character even if it is not.
If they ever ask you to change their parenting schedule while the case is pending. If they changed the parenting schedule even while their parenting schedule is being watched, they will most likely do this even more so while not being watched.
4 Aiming To Display You As An Unfit Parent
Be very careful about your communication with the other co-parent. Also, you might be being watched by a PI. Regarding most cases where there are children involved in some states (disclaimer: this is not legal advice, check with your lawyer on these topics) parents might be in contempt of court who are dating, having overnight stays with their children there, and/or having a live in partner -> until the divorce is finalized.
5 Making It Look Like You Are Going Back On Your Words
When replying to a narcissist, focus on just the facts, only respond to the facts, no emotion, no defending, no justifying…
Do not go into all of this, it will not be taken into consideration or seriously anyways, and it can and most likely will defame you in court. Especially in texts and email it can be challenging to understand the tone of voice in written words, when expressing yourself. Stick to the facts.
We sincerely hope these support you in your journey of detoxing from a narcissist. There is much more to include here, and this is only the beginning of this topic. Make sure to leave a comment if you loved this!
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“Everything you say or do will be used against you, even if it is not meant to be in this way.“
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