why you attract narcissists
You might be the best specimen to attract a Narc, without knowing it. If you are in a Narc relationship ‘for the kids’, or because you believe they will change, or learn new ways, I respect you, no judgement here. We are here to create awareness and come together in light, in health, in peace, and well-being.
The average amount of times someone goes back to Narc relationships is 9 times. It is almost impossible to break the trauma bonds to Narcs. There will need to be new habits formed, new neural pathways, it will feel as if you are weening yourself off of a drug if you do leave or are ‘discarded’ by the Narc. Often, we do not realize we are bonded chemically until we aim to leave and then we relapse with their ‘hoover’.
They are also addicted to abusing us and gaining negative or positive fuel from us. Although we know we are aware on some level we are being abused, all we crave is for the person to come back and ‘heal our wounds’. Usually, when the Narc discards, it is in an extremely unhealthy way, in order to leave open wounds, for them to aim to come back and ‘fake’ heal for the abused. They might discard before an important holiday, when on holiday, after they make sure to tell you they have a new girlfriend they are leaving you for, in front of your family, at your wedding, it will for sure be at the worst time, to create the maximum pain and hurt possible.
Saddistic, yes.
You might be with a Narc if you are experiencing:
silent treatments,
stone-walling,
the same issues coming up with no resolution (even if you thought you all had some to one),
you over analyze things they say and they don’t EVER make sense (seemingly irrational erratic behavior),
it is always your fault,
their behavior is so repulsive towards you do not want to tell your friends or family about it,
loss of sleep because of ups and downs in the relationships,
you make excuses for their behavior such as, ‘they were stressed,’ ‘it must be there horrible childhood,’
they threaten leaving or other things, especially if you disagree with them,
promises are made that never seem to quite happen,
small things seem as huge things in the relationships plus unsolvable,
you feel nothing you ever do is good enough,
you feel tired all the time,
you feel a shortness of breath when you are around this person, you start having an irregular heart beat,
they seem they only want to bring you down,
they are not there for you when there are hard times,
their flying monkey’s seem to know everything and give you the ‘stink eye,’ when you come into the room, (interestingly they barely know you…)
they take credit for your achievements,
you have dreams of them doing horrible things to you,
they consistently do things they said they would never do again,
they raise their voice when you disagree with them,
they care a little too much about what other people think of them,
it feels like you are always in a constant competition with them in their heads,
they minimize your accomplishments to your face yet brag to others about your success,
your feelings don’t matter to them,
you are blamed for everything,
you don’t have the right to be ‘tired’,
and you have found evidence of them flirting or searching for a new person on their social media.
This article will aim to display to you WHY you were seen as a grade A fuel source by the Narc.
There will be another article published soon on the RED FLAGS to look for to know someone is a Narc.
After understanding these reasons, please continue showing up as the amazing person you are, strong, full of light, successful, and understanding. Work with a professional to understand unhealthy patterns, healing childhood wounds, understanding the red flags, and how to set great boundaries moving forward.
If you are recovering or in a Narc relationship, it’s high time you put yourself first, and take your well-being seriously.
Stop allowing anyone to take your kindness for granted, say hurtful things to you, demean you, hold you in contempt, and give distance from this kind of person immediately in the healthiest way possible.
They will eventually take all of your light.
Most of us may think to attract an abusive toxic unhealthy person, there must be something broken about us. This is false.
We are told in society we are broken if we have divorced, or are single by a certain age.
Society tells us ‘divorced’ people are broken.
We often look at divorced people and call them, ‘damaged’, or judge them on not ‘being able to keep a healthy relationship.’
When someone is in a relationship with a Narc, cluster B personality type, or mental illness is present, believe me, they probably did everything to have a healthy relationship and left or were discarded when they understood it was not possible to have anything healthy with this person.
We must aim to bring awareness and understanding to these issues, rather than judgement.
If you have divorced a Narc unscathed, you are a hero(ine). Not everyone gets out safely. More advice at the end, if you are contemplating divorce with a Narc.
The truth is they DID aim to ‘break us’ in a relationship with them, with subtle or not so subtle insults, demeaning language, and contempt.
It was their ultimate goal to ruin our lives and take the happiness from our souls for themselves.
They will never be happy.
PLEASE remember if they have moved on to another partner they are not happy with them either. It was not you.
It was you who attracted them, you most likely glossed over the first warning signs, and this is why you are here. Yet first of all you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. You have to stop blaming yourself.
They need to rely on external sources for taking their fuel or their happiness. With or without what you do for them, or give them, it will never be enough.
They will set impossible bars for you to hit or hoops for you to jump through and wild expectations (you should have known about), once you jump through those hoops, they will set higher bars for you, the cycle is never-ending.
You will not win, it is never enough for them.
All the while, they are giving compliments and grooming other fuel-sources, hence starting the process of cheating or about to cheat, while asking you to jump through hoops for them.
They also love conflict it gives them fuel source, negative fuel source is source too!
Remember the more they are devaluing you, the more likely they are already grooming potential fuel sources knowing full well you will get fed up with them eventually or not be able to give enough.
Here we will dive into what attracted them to you, in the first place.
I am almost positive, as everyone has, there are some childhood wounds we all need to face and let go of, with a professional or coach.
However, since almost the whole population has childhood wounds, some greater than others, it goes deeper than this to why you might be attracting Narcs.
Research shows about 80% of Narcs are men, therefore when I refer to Narcs in this article I will most likely use the pronoun ‘he’.
I understand some men reading this have had horrible experiences with female Narcs too, and our heart goes out to you.
Narcs often know in the first 30 seconds whether you are a grade A fuel source or not. When I say fuel, I am referring to you giving them a steady healthy flow of the 3 A’s. The 3 A’s are: Adoration, Attention, Adulation.
A fuel source is similar to a gas pump, when we get gas at the gas station we do not think about the gas pumps next to the other ones, we just aim to get gas. They want the gas, they do not care essentially exactly who it comes from or how much they take.
They will blame the women for giving too much.
They will say phrases, these are phrases that hopefully make you stop and say, WHAT THE HELL, they are when they are explaining to their friends or to you as to why something with another women did not work out, or why another women was mad with them,
‘well, seriously, she was asking for it,’
‘she opened herself to me without much effort, her choice,’
‘it was so funny to get her to do things she initially said she had never done, it was so easy haha,’
‘she fell for me so easily, who knows why, I was clear with her I didn’t care about her like that,’
‘she didn’t care that I was married or had a girlfriend, what a trashy women, no morals, then she fell in love with me, knowing full well I’m already committed,’
‘she didn’t believe me when I said I didn’t want anything serious, then when she got serious with me, I was like, ok bye,’
‘she actually wanted me to stay and ‘cuddle’ after sex, she knew I wasn’t her boyfriend,’
‘she was demanding, always controlling me,’
‘she wants child support when I gave her everything before, nope, she’s not getting child support from me, I will always find a way to never give her anything from me ever again,’
‘she was so young probably she just didn’t know better, younger than you, well that was fun at least to be with such a young woman,’
‘Ya she just lost it, broke things, and wow she had no self-control,’
‘She cheated on me, can you believe the nerve of her, on me, me of all people,’
If you hear a man you care about saying these things about other women, believe me, and those who have these, if you stay, you will most likely be next. A lot of these are projections as well.
We must question when men say these sorts of things about other women, and question if they say their ex was ‘crazy’, or all women are ‘crazy, dramatic…’.
I am sorry if this hurts, it is to educate, and create understanding of the Narc’s behavior to increase awareness to prevent pain.
This is the reality of a true Narc’s psychology and what they think of people, as objects. As extensions of themselves, and what they can give them in the type of fuel source they will or will not be. This might be family members, children, co-workers, achievements at work, attention at parties, pets, and lovers.
FLYING MONKEYS
The circle and mix of people who enable a Narc’s toxic behavior are usually referred to as their ‘flying monkeys’.
These flying monkeys will always believe the Narc, be on their side, make excuses for them, and minimize the toxic behavior they display and are usually a mix of good friends and family.
Often Narc parents either raise more Narcs or they raise co-dependents. Be careful with your Narc partner’s parents because they are often either Narcs or co-dependents themselves, you know something is not right.
Do not be mad at yourself for having any of these traits.
This list is to increase awareness.
There are professionals, counselors, coaches to work with in understanding ourselves more to help us be more Narc-proof. To be able to see the red flags easier before being hooked in.
Even if completely hooked in, there are professionals to help us become unhooked and build strength to leave the unhealthy behavior which will kill us slowly from the inside out, and ruin our lives.
Eventually, if we do not leave we will have no soul left, the Narc will decompose every last bit of our soul into themselves, and it still will not be enough for them. It is never enough. When we are completely broken down, no self-esteem left, nothing left to give, soulless, perhaps sick, in the hospital, completely decomposed by the Narc, they will leave you for a bright new source of fuel or they are already cheating.
They will not blink at their vows, their promises will go out the window, they will have no conscience towards you because it was impossible for them to form an emotional bond from the beginning.
YOU WILL THINK THIS AT ONE POINT
You will most likely think, ‘How can a person who tells me they love me, made promises to me, do this?’
They future faked with you until you were hooked.
THE NARCS ATTACHMENT STYLE
They do not have the tools to make healthy attachments with anyone. They most likely had anxious or unhealthy emotional attachments with their caregivers in childhood. Therefore, they NEVER had a healthy emotional bond with you. NO MATTER how much they ‘future-faked’ with you, or said vows, or made empty promises. It was all empty, all fake. Do not aim to fix them. We cannot ‘fix’ anyone. They will most likely have anxious and avoidant attachment styles to you and to others.
You are right to think, it makes no sense and how someone could do this to me if they truly loved me.
You are probably feeling, ‘I will never do this to someone I loved.’
I am sure you would not. Yet they will, and if you stay it will GET WORSE!
While they are devaluing you (second stage, after love bombing), they are thinking, ‘Wow I can get away with this (abuse, crazy-making, drama, insults, demeaning words, contempt) and they will stay, I wonder how much further I can push them before there is no point of return (while laughing inside)? They are stronger than I thought, this is a fun game, wow they seem unbreakable, maybe I can try something else to break them. It seems they will take it, ok, this is a great person for me, if I see signs that they will not take my abuse, I’m out of here. Hum, let me keep looking around on social media to start ‘grooming’ some new fuel sources incase they decide to ‘act up’ (i.e. decide to STOP putting up with my abuse), I need to have someone to turn too.’
Let us not sugar coat this, it is crazy-making irrational behavior. Most likely you were told you were the crazy one, you were dramatic, too sensitive, irrational, a cheater, you will just not ever be as smart as them (why even try), and made to feel like a piece of trash (or told directly you are trash)…Projections.
NOTHING EVER MAKES LOGICAL SENSE WITH THE NARC
After you are discarded, or you break up with them, everything comes flooding in. All the memories might feel unbearable and please reach out to a professional to support you in processing them, or write them down in a journal. It helps a lot to have a community or a professional who is well verse in narcs. Do not keep all of this poison, or resentment inside, find a way to release it. It is not yours to hold onto.
All promises go out the window when they feel you are no longer a grade A fuel source. Even though they were the ones to take ALL your fuel. Even though there are different expectations for you than there are for themselves.
Gas lighting you to believe it did not ever happen, and EVERYTHING is your fault.
While you are analyzing everything, aim to come to common ground, they are not analyzing their side at all. They will however analyze what you can improve, while never reflecting on their own side of things. Therefore, nothing will ever improve. As another Narc specialist states, we cannot build a house with 2 walls, we need the other person’s walls, we need to be a team.
AT SOME POINT YOU WILL LOSE YOUR LIGHT
Before you get to the point of being completely lost in spirit, please bring awareness to yourself. We want full souls, whole people, happy people in our network, you deserve this. You deserve the happiness you once had before it was taken, you deserve a healthy whole person to be in a loving relationship with (if you desire a relationship). You deserve to have ultimate self-love and belief in your abilities.
If you are on the other side of a discard, do not worry we are here to bring awareness, and the light will start to come back, faster than you thought.
Here are some of the key points of WHY you are attracting Narcs & WHY they love these qualities in their targets, their FUEL SOURCES:
- Your boundaries are often blurred with people you care about.
(Super fun for the Narc to push your boundaries beyond the point of no return. They will happily destroy all of your blurry boundaries, ‘what boundaries?’ they will say. The best if you over look boundaries they cross and don’t bring it up.)
- You compromise your morality when pressured.
(The Narc will love to pressure you to do all kinds of things for them against your morality, it will be fun for them, i.e. the Devil’s work.)
- You have unresolved childhood wounds you are not dealing with, i.e. you are a walking open wound without knowing it.
(This is like blood to a vampire or a shark with a Narc. They will smell these wounds and subject you to pure torture related to making these wounds deeper. Getting your hooked line and sinker to them.)
- You have not forgiven people in your family, you talk negatively about your kids/ family/ friends.
(The Narc will LOVE to isolate you even more. This way you will feel they are the only people who truly care about you, think Stockholm Syndrome.)
- You are strong.
(This is why the Narc chooses you first of all, you can take their abuse and keep going, keep doing their dirty work, you can keep working hard while they are knocking you down. When you’re down and they kick you, you will get up without their help. Perfect for them. Make sure to get up, walk away, actually run away as fast as you can, quietly.)
- You are stable.
(Someone needs to be stable in the relationship, they already know it’s not them.)
- You are empathetic.
(This allows you to forgive them a few times and put yourself in their shows. They want you to have enough empathy for you and them both because they have none. Most likely any empathy they have is related to needing to get fuel in the moment, they can emulate empathy if needed, it will be fake.)
- You are successful.
(The Narc knows they are not stable, they need someone who will be or is already successful. They will most likely self-sabotage everything in their lives including their success. They will put immense PRESSURE on you to be more successful then they will not feel bad about jeopardizing both of your successes. They know they might leave at any time for a shinier fuel source and you need to be successful with or without them. Possibly, they will also love to gain fuel from their community regarding your success.)
- You are extremely rich or from a rich family.
(They might rush marriage to have half of your money. This will provide them with the fuel source of ‘looking good’ to their flying monkeys and those around them. They will not need to put much effort into working hard, which mostly they will only pretend to work hard while behind the scenes rely-ing on someone else’s resources. This will help them portray an image on social media of being rich.)
- You are ok to rush commitment.
(If you let them set the pace of the relationship, it will move at a blurry lightening speed, do not let this happen. You let them rush you into sex, into a relationship, into moving in together, and into a marriage. They will aim to lock you down fast, especially before you see the real them, before the mask falls off or cracks show. You might be feeling ‘swept off your feet’ because you will be. Do not let them or anyone set the pace of your relationships.)
- You do not rock the boat. You appear to want to keep the peace.
(The ultimate last thing a Narc wants is someone to ‘talk back’ to them, to question them, and to ‘make a big deal’ out of something horrible they did. It should be swept under the rug. Their flying monkey’s especially will not like you either if you rock the boat. Things should be done how the Narc says they should be or how the Narc’s flying monkeys think, no questions asked. They can rock YOUR boat, or ask you questions, and criticize you or your families’ every move, yet DO NOT at all costs question them. There will be hell to pay if you disagree with them. This might be the number one deterrent to repel a Narc. And one of the main ways to attract them is to be a people pleaser, and DO NOT rock the boat. Also, they love for you to have a good deposition all the time, even when they are being a jerk to you.)
- Always be giving, even when they are not.
(Be self-sacrificing even if they are not towards you. They want you to believe you are giving to the greater good. To the collective. Do not look into if they are giving to the collective because most likely their actions show they are not or will not. They want you to have the attitude of giving with receiving nothing in return, forever! They, on the other hand will only give if they know for sure they will get something in return. When they give they already have a plan about how they will take back the same or more from you eventually. They will only give to people, or be kind to people they feel can give them something in return presently or in the future.)
- Be a forgiving humble person.
(The Narc is not a humble person even if they are a covert Narc and emulate humbleness it is not real. They always need to be ‘doing better than everyone else’. They will always be in competition with you and everyone. Whether this is using someone else’s money or getting ahead in their own work. They will not easily forgive, if you disagree with them or leave them they will not ever forgive this narcissistic injury to their ego. When they make a horrible choice, you’ll be there to ‘understand’, ‘empathize’, and forgive them, yet they will not be there or plan to be there for you when you have a down time or make a mistake.)
- You are an overachiever and constantly growing.
(If you are constantly growing, their lack of introspection/ growth can be blamed-shifted on how you need to grow. If they are able to successfully blame shift everything to you all the time, you will be convinced on how you need to grow.)
- You are focused on personal development.
(Since you are fully focused on growing and development you will aim to ‘figure out’ why a person will behave in this way. You may say, ‘they had a horrible childhood’, ‘they didn’t mean it’, ‘they say bad things when they are triggered’, ‘they were just kidding’, always minimizing and making excuses for their ‘crazy-making horrible behavior, the best recipe for them to get by with unhealthy behaviors and demean you everyday.)
- You are a solution focused problem solver.
(You’re the person who can rescue people, you’re always there for people you love, they can count on you to offer solutions. You’ll clean it up. You are strong enough to handle others problems, people tell you everything. You can fully put yourself in their shoes. When the Narc sees this quality, they will expect you to clean up all their and their families (flying monkeys) messes, and there WILL ALWAYS be constant drama if you sign up for this. It will completely consume your life. The Narc is analyzing if you will take all of this on, while still BEING successful to support them.)
- Calm and patient person
(You may have worked hard to be a calm and patient person, and to let things roll off. This is perceived as a challenge to the Narc, to get you upset. It will be fun for them to find your buttons and push them until you explode. They want a calm person to be able to handle all the mess they will bring and cause for you. And have the ultimate patience with them to handle how they will never conquer their own demons, only give them to you while taking your light.)
- You love your public image. You can keep it together at all costs.
(Narcs CARE A LOT about their public image, and if you do too, well this is music to their ears. They know you will take all kinds of abuse behind closed doors and then get it together to go in front of their flying monkeys’ because you care what others’ think too. You desire others think you are great and you don’t express yourself about what is really going on. Better if you are a person who keeps things inside and acts as if your public image is more important than your own personal well-being. They are the ultimate perfectionist especially of others, not usually of themselves, all the time. If you do lose it one day from their abuse, they will be happy to say, ‘look I said she was crazy, ha, well I was right, see,’ because they have already started your smear campaign. They want someone they can yell at in public, or raise their voice in the car while others can hear, and that person won’t say anything back. Run, quietly.)
- You are on board to portray a perfect image on social media.
(Narcs want EVERYONE to see their polished image on social media. They will be the last ones to admit any fault, and any hard times on social media…if you look on their highly filtered feed you will see only positive, perfect posts about their achievements, their perfect families, their perfect lives, holidays, smiling faces of perceived happiness, they want everyone to be convinced that they have it ALL together, and a WAY better life than everyone else. They WILL expect you to join in on the perfection, and fake-ness.)
- You will not compete with them, yet you will be successful in your own space.
(This is a double edged sword. They want you to make a lot of money to support their perfect image and your families perfect image. Yet if you are more successful than them they may secretly hate you and aim to destroy your success. One of the only ways they can be ok with you making a lot of money is if they can attribute YOUR success to them helping you, even if they don’t help you, they will most likely tell all their flying monkeys (and anyone who will listen) how your success is ONLY because of them.)
WHAT TO DO WITH THIS KNOWLEDGE
Now that you are aware of these, it does not mean to stop being yourself, it means to be a lot more vigilant as to who you give your resources too. Have and cultivate a lot more self-love, and be able to give yourself love, support, and nourishment, while alone. Let people slowly earn your trust, and hold your boundaries like your life depends on it, and it does. Let someone earn being in their inner circle, take your sweet merry time, access this person before including them into your life. Access what you will tell them about your personal life. Take your time. Do not rush into big relationship milestones. If you decide to introduce them to your children, let your children have an opinion about the new person in their life, or if it is their parent, shield your kids from this abuse as much as possible.
Red Flag article is coming. Little sneak peak — The biggest red flag is the lack of empathy. Notice if they are truly listening when you say things about having a bad day. Analyze if they are they present.
For those contemplating divorce with a Narc, please read:
Disclaimer: I’m not a lawyer, yet have been through divorce with an Narc, and have been in a few serious relationships with overt and covert Narcs.
If you are contemplating this, have had enough of the irrational, crazy-making, toxic, abusive behavior, negative false projections onto you and you’ve done everything possible to have healthy communication and a healthy relationship with this person…I would advise you to get your things in order quietly (i.e. speaking with lawyer about your rights, and secure your bank accounts) and leave almost silently, then fall off the radar. DO NOT CALL THEM OUT on being a Narc. If you have started talking to lawyers, DO NOT SHARE YOUR PLANS WITH THEM or where you were.
DO NOT THREATEN THEM, even if they are threatening you (they most likely will) to intimidate you. Even if they are shouting at you, do not react, go grey rock method, you can easily end up in jail for reacting in these moment. It is not worth it, do not meet them where they are. You must stay in your integrity.
If you need to let them believe it is their idea in their ridiculous discard phase (which repeats if you get back together with them after breaking up) they will say things that will break your spirit down (this is the goal), let it roll off, and put YOUR WELL BEING FIRST.
You do not need to show others who they really are by sending messages to their flying monkeys or mutual friends, they will show themselves to everyone eventually, and ‘make their own bed’.
This is the ultimate lesson in self-love.
You will win by loving yourself through this process. If you are a spiritual person, call in God, your angels, and all your guides to guide you and give you light, we are not dealing with only the flesh here, we are dealing with true evilness.
When you feel lonely, remember you are still with yourself, and give yourself the love they cannot give you. Give as much as possible to yourself. Put yourself first.
Your health, well-being, and peace of mind is more important than your ego, than saving face, than what anyone thinks about you.
Here is a great song and the lyrics to hopefully aid you through the process of the discard phase or if you decided to leave. https://genius.com/Aerotique-over-feat-tara-mobee-lyrics
HOW TO GET IN TOUCH
You can also find more information about Allison Ramsey, Facebook Digital Marketing Professor & Empire Life Founder at Instagram, LinkedIN, Website, and Twitter.
To learn more about getting started with Empire Life in launching and scaling your online empire you can contact Allison, Founder of Empire Life, on Instagram and LinkedIN.
“They need to rely on external sources for taking their fuel or their happiness. With or without what you do for them, or give them, it will never be enough. “
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The best thing to do with a narcissist when you realize that they are nuts is go on with your life…go no contact…
I’m ready to walk away now I told him something personal and later the next day he threw it in my face. Never again.
Healing in progress.
My ex- narc friend’s absolute favorite movie of all time…would watch it many, many, times…was The Talented Mr Ripley. Very telling, don’t you guys think?
Being married to a narc is hard, but divorcing them is even harder. I wish I had been better informed (then) of their traits, but I survived anyway. Now I am smarter. My ex did his best to smear me, but the proof is in the actions, and I am clearly much happier.
When I called my Narc husband out, and told him he is a Narc, he said “Your delusional.. you’re the Narcissist”
I told him, he looked at me & said “no you’re the narc.”
This is great timing! This is what’s happening to me today.
With the Narc’s Love Just Ain’t ENOUGH…Nothin’ gonna change them.
Yes God is indeed not wanting us to take a hit off that ‘narc pipe’, we gotta get un-addicted to them.
Thank u for this info, Empire Life. I didn’t know what a narcissists is a few months ago and my relationship was killing me, causing me to have no energy, and I just couldn’t get out. This has been a god send.
The internet can be used for both good and evil (as narcs use for evil). This channel is pure good and blessing. Thank you for spreading the light!
You have a ton of knowledge on this topic!
Once you reach the level of starting to let go because it is unhealthy, the out does become easier..yet it still hurts us because they will never know love as we do..outs really sad!
More great content. Thanks again!
I wish I knew about this 30 years ago when I was jumping thru hoops to please him, not ever again!
Thank you so much for your great advice and insight Empire Life! My ex left me in Jan 2020, cheated on me with a coworker, 10 years younger and a drinker and drug addict, just like him. He was abusive, stole from me, and all full of lies, so it is a good thing he is gone. He is definitely a narcissist and everything you talk about is him for sure. But I can’t help but still be hurt over him. I did love him and we shared so many good times and memories together. I can’t believe this happened. It’s as if everything between us was fake and I can’t get over it. Reading your blogs has helped me greatly. I know I will get better in time. Thank you so much.
Absolutely love this, I’m on guard currently and know I’ll eventually heal.
Thanks Empire Life so much for this blog, I am seven weeks no contact with the narc and I have been in total shock that everything was a a big fat lie!
When God shows us clearly who they are, let it go, trust it.
You have helped tremendously.
It was always my fault that things weren’t perfect. But if he thought I might really leave he would pull me back in.
Ya’ll, God Saved me from such Evil! This Journey to Healing, has been so Awesome! Love seeing God work in my Life! I’ll never be the same, but in a good way!
Thank you for all your knowledge and support…Ya’ll are amazing…
Only God can change someone who was once sadistic and evil to one with a kind gentle heart, if he chooses.
I have experienced that indeed the Narcs attempt to Hoover us back when they have lost their sources of supply, thanks to you all I’ll now have the strength, courage, wisdom, to say NO!
He’s, my Narc, has been wanting to be off and on with me for the last 30 years. It’s exhausting.
I’m still waiting patiently for him to leave, he originally wanted the divorce but I beat him to it, which really upset him (because no one does that to him) I found out about her and I never stick around for that, I think he has nowhere to live now and felt he might have moved too fast. I hope the other girl takes him back.
Appreciate all the encouragement here, I’m coming out of my own healing from narc abuse too.
I’m sitting in my room going through the motions of healing from severe narcissistic abuse and control dramas…feeling isolated.
You guys at Empire Life have such a great energy!
Thanks for this information.
You nailed it!
Appreciate you guys, indeed.
I’m going through it right now with my wife, it’s painful to live with a Narc.
You have hit on everything I have experienced. I have always kept it hidden. You have put a bright and warm light on so much horrific pain.
I needed this, I needed to read this! It was 100% true and very inspirational.
Thank you for being true!
You guys, the power of healing is amazing.
Have finally gotten out. Beginning when our first child was 3 months old with colic he told me to “take the baby and get out!” I stayed for 8 more years & two more children and every couple of years he would tell me that again. When he raged more often and louder and louder no matter what I said or did, and then in a rage told me to “get the papers done!” I filed for divorce
Yes…it’s the universe and God showing you your worth.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, grateful and thankful!
Empire Life, you guys really nailed it on this blog…it was a great blog, thank you!
Thanks again for another great blog, Empire Life!
Empire Life and Allison, ya’ll are incredibly insightful, not to mention helpful and giving!
When I out-ed my NARC husband he ghosted me got 4 hours. I’m assuming he looked up the word because he then came at me raging about how dare I call him that. He proceeded to tell me how stupid I was and call me the narcissist. I laughed in his face and walked away. He continued throwing a fit for another 4 hours even though I didn’t react or respond to his tantrum. He finally went to bed and then ghosted me for a week. Most peaceful week I’ve had in the 24 years together.
Why did God send this evil person in my life in the first place? Wish I can ever answer this.
Going through the abuse now. I’m praying for God’s deliverance. I pray for healing from all the gas lighting and abuse. I also pray for him to get his karma.
The moment I found out he was a Narc, there was a complete different look that came over her face.
The A’s are ATTENTION ADMIRATION ADULATION. Amen Empire Life!
This has all been very emotional as well. I cried, and am grateful as well to this channel, and others because I have learned so much. It was not as easy as I thought, when the hover happened. Thanks everyone!
This has helped me – I have been no contact for almost six years! I celebrate it in the same way that I celebrate my sobriety date.
I barely escaped the Narc with only a thread of life left in me.
If you let them know who they are, they immediately project, it on you! Keep in mind “don’t wrestle with the pig”, they like getting dirty.
He copied everything I did. I had one that worked in the office with me. When he saw me wearing a certain name brand of clothing exclusively; suddenly he started doing the same. When I purchased a house; suddenly he was looking for an even BIGGER house. He would literally watch or listen to everything I did or said and try to “one up” it. He was also a habitual liar. You never knew when he was actually telling the truth.
Pure madness, if you are feeling they are Narc, get out as soon, and as quietly as you can.
They already are who they are, living in their dark place. No need to tell them to change.
When I asked her to go to counseling with me, she started to make up a lot of stories of things that I wasn’t doing and my family suggested that I stayed in no contact and at home.
They project to protect their mask.
When I asked the Narc ‘Why do you treat me soooo poorly?’
He answered ‘Because you’re like this and that. We need space.’
5 weeks later he discarded me so painfully.
Can you post every day, gosh I love these.
Recurrent stellar content empire life.
You all seem obsessed with the narc’s, what’s so bad about them. They jus be selfish, they b givin ugly mugs ya’ll.
Thank God for saving me from that liar.. Darn narcissist thought I would keep him around…nope wrong girl…he even tried to catch my house on fire and I had to call the police.
Progress, makin progress with no contact.
We b thinkin tey gud they not.
I though she was good people but I was wrong.. never again with these narcissist
Wait whattttt…
Mine would ghost me while I was sitting right beside him.
That woman’s story and how she is getting help through this blog is beautiful. May God give you happiness and peace.
They have no remorse at all!
Everything you said has literally been my life for the past 3+ years. I’m so sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Hey guys..I got 50 days no contact..beginning to feel human again! Thanks so much for the blogs Empire Life.. and thanks to all who make positive encouraging comments on here..you are all saving my life! Also..yep..I think my ex has hooked up with another narc.
My ex used me for a place to live. Don’t let this happen to you guys!
My whole perspective has changed & most of all I know what I am worth. God is so Good.
Know your worth guys. Sending love!
I’m learning so much from you!
It is sad that I still love her. Thank you so much. Now I know without a doubt that I’m not crazy or a narcissist. We are broken up but still live in the same house. I was so beaten down I felt like dying. I’ve used this silent treatment time to heal myself and get some self love and confidence back.
Guys, if I went online today I will see the x on there. Such a nice story he tells about him self, everything looks good on the outside of course.
Hi Empire Life, bless you on your mission to educate others about these toxic monsters!
This really spoke to me!
Hey Empire life, you all make me smile for no reason …you real know narcs…
If you are starting to feel anxious and jealous and that’s not normal for you, do a check in. My anxiety has calmed since he left.
Hi Empire Life, because of the knowledge I gained through your blog I have remained no contact for almost 8 months and today rejected first Hoover.
Guys, it’s just toxic vile energy. We got to focus on us and making an awesome lovely life!
The mask was on for about 6 months and then I started hearing some nuttiness about, “Oh, I’m such a loner, Oh I don’t like hugs….. Oh I don’t need friends,”…. and the abuse started. So I let go…. she tried several times to hoover, but I shut it down. I wrote a letter stating my truth and then blocked her.
When satan can’t reach to you he sends you a narcissist in your life.
He made me feel as though I was delusional…thank you.
Don’t get caught in the headlights of a narcissist.
The Narc I knew NEVER let himself lose control of his negative emotions outwardly. So weird to experience a person who APPEARED negative emotionless. He could seem happy for himself, but when someone else was happy or pleased with an accomplishment he became very stoic. He had to be in control of others happiness and did not tolerate any negative emotions.
Its very hard to confront a narcissist of any kind they have so many resources that you need resources of your own to keep yourself safe. Sometimes they will gaslight you about your income level, to bring you down.
Don’t ever fall for it, do what you need to do in order to survive.
I wonder how that makes the narc feel getting Narc-ed by a narc? Are they just annoyed that the other person beat them to it? hehe.
Perfect assessment. I’m getting out of the relationship. Passive aggressive narc.
I wish I could “like” this blog a MILLION TIMES!!! I’m trapped in this narcissistic relationship and will never be able to leave it…But just being able to RECOGNIZE and UNDERSTAND what’s happening is worth so much to me. Thank you
This is one of the best analysis I ever heard about them.
Thank you! I’m just now letting go of what I think was a narcissist/empath relationship. I’m still in so much confusion.
Thank you for this powerful information!
All of this happened to me- and it was extremely confusing- exhausting and painful- I absolutely did not know what I was dealing with then.
I have a sister with narcissistic traits and just lived through several of these things at the holidays! From the fake out, to the ghosting, to the one up-ing.
Fake empathy….it’s amazing how well they’ve learned the words, but when they say them you don’t feel it. For a long time I attempted to convince myself that there must be something wrong with ME because she was saying the right words.
THEY HAVE TO SHOW YOU THAT THEY’RE THE BOSS. Ultimate sign of a narcissist, even covert ones.
If you start to realize “THATS THE THING NOTHING MAKES SENSE.” This means you are probably with a Narc, such a true statement.
Those that end up in relationships with narcissists are often the ones that get cited as having an “anger problem.” One of the skills we learn with experience is to not endlessly offer sacrifices and efforts for someone who clearly has no interest in being willfully truthful in a reciprocal manner. Those that had dysfunctional caregivers can end up with narcissists endlessly trying to “get them to love and be truthful back.” If you don’t leave this toxic arrangement, your resentment grows over time and eventually you show anger in response to the one sided arrangement. Staying with a narcissist for a long period of time eventually leads to the “flipping of the tables” where you show anger at their evasive speech and inability to be accountable while they say “oh, you have an anger problem, I can’t deal with someone who has these ‘issues.’
I could pick up on the “fake empathy” at the beginning…I wish I knew what I know now before I fell for the bait.
Guys, stay away from these Narcs. They play so many games, and it’s always about making themselves feel superior. If you went through something hard, they went through something much harder so stop whining. If you accomplished something, they’ve accomplished much more so stop bragging. If you’re in pain, they’re in more pain so get over it. If you know something, they know more so shut up and listen to them because they always know more about everything. If they hurt you, they’ll never admit it and even if they did it would be your fault that they hurt you in the first place. It’s all about making themselves feel superior, even if they have to crush you to do it.
They are so toxic.
The one up-ing he used to do is the worst. So evil.
Selena Gomez “Lose you to love me” Finally a song that speaks to the effects of emotional abuse and the healing process.
I can’t believe I’ve let myself get in a relationship with a Narcissist. I’m gutted. I got fooled. But I will get back up again and get the hell out of here. I’m not putting up with being in hell anymore. I literally can’t take any more.
The longer you are away from them, the clearer things become! Coming out of the brainwashing takes time. More time than I anticipated.
They fake a relationship! It never was a relationship!
Words don’t match actions – PERFECT ADVICE. Every single one.
Prescribe me some Xanax.
Sometimes, the “ongoing pattern of lying” that they deploy (usually a covert narcissist) can simply be the lies they tell the victim in the form of criticism, shaming, blaming, or humiliation. They want you to believe the lies in order to weaken you. They systematically gain control over you with each lie. The intent is to destroy your self image. Eventually, you come to believe the lies and you no longer know who you are. You come to believe you are a defective human being and the narcissist has no faults. Each lie legitimizes their continued abuse.
The threats don’t stop if you stay with a Narc…My wife even straight up told me, “dont underestimate what I’ll do”… I thought, what in the world?!
Roughly a year Narc free I must thank you all as one of the blogs who really helped.
They act like the relationship is a competition.
They are not able to even give you a compliment when you look nice or do something amazing…
Narcissists are delusional and they are expert illusionist just like a magician they will fool you every time.
Having a relationship with a Narc = That’s NOT a relationship AT ALL!
Yes they definitely make you fill less safe.
Oh you didn’t know there were “people” like this roaming the earth…it is great to give awareness.
Seeking advice…feeling depressed after being discarded. How do you guys handle it?
If they come back to hover remember, they’re trolling the internet for supply, chose their targets, started their campaign…and it didn’t work.
I Just Realized I Have Lost 30yrs Of My Life to a Narc. So sad.
I’ve made a conscientious decision to go no contact ….I was a narc magnet for sure! No more. I’m doing my personal work.
When you need them. the most…they disappear or aren’t there in the first place.
Spot on with experiences I have lived through especially the anger and the mind games.
Whatever you tell them will be used against you. Just wait.
Stay away from Narcs.
Always relevant always helpful, thank you for being an important part in my recovery.
You just described the ex covert narc in my experience.
However, yes, the ex overt narc had similar behaviors.
That was brilliant!
Racial. Just plain rad.
My mum would always make comments about my weight or body. I am almost sure she’s a Narc.
“When I was your age I wasn’t that big”, “Your legs are like tree trunks” & not that long ago my favourite “I bet were the same size” she’s in her 50s why would you even want or need to compare your body to your daughters?!
These blogs are the best!
Like I’ve said before I regret the day I let the narcissist in my life.. “No contact” Get rid of those narcissist demons they will NEVER change..can’t believe I married a fake Christian! Where was my discernment? Yes! That is true they will move so fast!
Thank you! Saying No to a Narcissist is like waving a red rag in front of a raging bull. Next time I ever meet someone new, I’m now going to deliberately say ‘No’ to a simple request as a test to see if they will react like a bull. Then that red rag for them will turn into a big red flag for me…. and this time I will run…in the totally opposite direction!
They can’t win if you don’t play!! No Contact is the ONLY WAY! And the mask does come off if you back off a bit to catch your breath..EVERY TIME!
You piece it all together once you are no contact…you get the aha moments when you are away from them….You see all of the red flags clear as day…
Cheers to all reading! Get free and spread awareness!
Oh. My. God. The first time I took a night off from seeing him, he became distant as Jupiter. This is scary.
It became clear as day! Sad for him but, I moved on. Not going to try to fix him or anyone ever again!
So I seriously just thought these people were just possessed all these years until I came across all these. videos about NPD NAS CPTSD. They changed my life. I felt so alone before that. People that understand what I went through, what a God send because the everything is my fault was really unhinging me my God. Holy persecution without a fair had to stop.
I should’ve left when we went out to late night dinner and he was soooo rude to the waitress and when I made the mistake of telling her he was just joking I got the NARC STARE.
Elvis Presely said it best “you look like an angel, talk like an agel, walk like an angel… but I got wise YOU’RE the DEVIL In DISGUISE!”
The perfect but extreme narc, please watch Dirty John series on Netflix.
These monsters all act alike. No more narcs in my life; just healthy boundaries!
After the Hoover, he went back to his ways in the same phone call as the Hoover. They go right back once they think you’re “back”. They waste NO time.
Narcs don’t like people with strong boundaries.
When you tell them no – Yes- they clam up. I’ve been through that so many times. They are really big on the silent treatment.
You just described my situation…to the last detail!!
The marriage talk;
The texting;
The passive/aggressive behavior!
So glad I had a moment of clarity and cut bait!
Yup I was the co-dependent. However I was fortunate that I didn’t sleep with him. And also fortunate he discarded me! I’m no contact.
The sooner you let go the more fast you can heal.
I realise Dr Phil was SO RIGHT when he advised years ago to ask yourself and if you think;” This is TOO good to be TRUE”! Then it IS TOO good to be true!! In anything really and we have to step back and not hurt ourselves.
The narc would Hoover. I would let him in. Each time the devaluation came faster, the punishment would be worse, more intense then the discard would create a deeper gaping wound. My pain was his thrill and enjoyment.
When i opened the door to the hoover and Love Bomb it only took a week and then the Devalue and discard…..It only gets worse people and No Contact is the only way…
He was constantly pressuring me to make big life plans.
Sounds JUST LIKE my ex and I saw so many red flags in the beginning.
Came back 3 days later apologizing and saying he was still angry over me being late to pick him up at the airport which had happened months before.
I foolishly accepted his apology.
1 weeks.
It only took 1 weeks and he says he’s in love with someone else and he’s moving to be with her.
7 weeks after that, he attempted the Hoover.
Too bad for him. He showed me what he was and realizing that was liberating. No contact is a gift to yourself.
Listen to your instincts people.
He ALWAYS brought up his “crazy” ex who is lonely and needs him.
Bringing another person into someone’s house/bed is the ultimate disrespect.
The love bomb phase of finishing each other’s sentences is interpreted as soulmates or kindred spirits to an empath but only manipulation, control, and brainwashing to a narcissist.
Narcissists have caused so many deeply bruised hearts and souls…..it’s so ruthless, horrible and abusive!
If you entertain them when they hoover, they are “faux” nice for a minute. Then the games start and they turn up the torture 10x the last time. They get meaner.
Funny how fast the devaluation can start. It’s like as soon as they know you’re hooked they’ll start slowly tearing down your will and attacking the things they know you hold at a high esteem. Simply because they hate themselves and want you to be all about them.
Don’t worry about exposing the narcissist – give them time – they will out themselves. Middle age is brutal on these creeps. Just be the person that never gets tricked again – because now you know their mind-control METHODS.
Smile and walk away.
My birthday was August 25th and he stayed out all night with another woman. I was devastated and pissed when I found out where he had been after the fact. Who that hell does that? Not a normal person.
It’s heartbreaking. I’m disabled, so meeting someone who treated me like I was never treated before felt like heaven. Well, that was gone within two months. Ten years down, and I’m completely destroyed, my health is gone, he isolated me and kept me homeless and destitute all these years, even forced me to move away from where I was getting support, and in with his equally hateful parents who enable his abuse. I’m severely Ill now and if I leave him, I will die, he controls all our money, and will withdraw my medicine, we have no home, no car, nothing but his debts. Please, leave the minute you see red flags.
You like cats, all of a sudden they love dogs! You like the color black, all of a sudden they love the color white! No rhyme or reason! Just because!
They are so weak. They never want to do anything that you like to do. It’s always about them.
Something to know is…One of the things that the narcissist fears the most is being discarded during the love bombing phase. This is the period where they are doing everything to validate you and impress you to their fullest extent in order to secure you and when you discard them while they are at it, you are invalidating their false self which is meant to be everything that they believe they are not. And discarding them during this time creates a massive narcissistic injury which can strike them real hard.
The best repellent is to think things through. They don’t like hesitations, all I wanted was a little time to think about moving in, slammed phone down on me, wouldn’t answer phone for awhile. Red flag.
Narcs are actors. It’s all a show they put on to lure you in . Anyone that says evil doesn’t exist clearly has never met a narcassist.
I truly believe God removed my narcissistic ex out of my life. I prayed to God saying “If he’s not meant for me, send me a sign”. All of a sudden it was red flag after red flag. As soon as I set boundaries and called him out by saying “your words and actions never match up”, he became cold and distant from me. He knew that if he didnt change, I was leaving, so he just got more and more distant. I thank God for opening my eyes and for separating him from me. I blocked him everywhere.
I am trying to get out of a relationship with a narcissist. He continues to call me the narcissist. So I have questioned my actions al the time…
All kinds of addiction is bad. They cause pain afterward.
I know someone who told his girlfriend that he wanted to move to her state to be with her. Turns out, he was running from the cops/situation in his state. Once he arrived in her state, he moved in with his friend. A few months later, he told her that he wanted to move in together and get married. Turns out, he slept with his friends girlfriend, got caught, and kicked out of his house. He just used her over and over again and she had no idea who she was involved with. So sad.
I was Triangulated from day 1…
I went from one narc to the next, the first one was very short lived; almost married him but I broke away before any more damage was done. It was I believe divine intervention, I was relieved to be done away with him but I didn’t get it then so that’s why I ended up marrying another narc less than a year later. I get it now, thriving after 3 years separated from him and about to wrap up the divorce. I know the Lord had to let me go through 8 years of pure hell to understand what I was with was evil. Took 8 years for me to wake up, thank you JESUS for not letting me die in my sin.
To the question of the day… during one of a number of discards, I changed her name to “Satan” on my phone. It had been several weeks. My son was playing on my phone while I was driving when he suddenly shouts, “Dad! You just got a text from Satan! He wants to know if you can at least be friends. I don’t think that’s a good idea, Dad!” lol!
6 things to stop expecting from narcissist –
1. Closure.
2. Apologies.
3. Explanation.
4. Understanding.
5. Validation.
6. Belief.
I just kept shaking my head up and down saying yup yup oh and that one and I remember him doing that.
God Knows our Hearts…stay on Course and forget all the Toxic People in your Life.
I changed my door mat. It does not say “Welcome” on it.
In essence — they will say anything.
I was just praying for guidance and discernment this morning…particularly regarding my narc and wha-lah! I find this blog. It answers so many of my questions! Bless you all at Empire Life.
You are SO right on.
Wow, thanks for your work. Crazy how much this hits home. You are bringing me some clarity.
So clear to me, this blog, thank you so much!
Very true he always says he will leave and says the worst things breaks up with me but never actually leaves.
They don’t know just how transparent they really are. If they come back, it’s usually because the new supply dumped them once they peaked behind the masque. Or, the narcissist realized the old supply was superior to the new. They will also come back if you start dating.
Crazy, but 100% truth.
How to get rid of a covert narcissist?…I have been trying for years and he keeps coming back trying to pull me back in after blocking and no contact. I get emails because that’s the only way he can reach out with “I miss you” or can we just be friends, can we snuggle etc…
Yep we are good folk
We get tired so we’re
Ready for the unexpected but a real
Person is hard to find.
I JUST KNEW something was wrong enough to cut it out.
You are so spot on…I am binge reading your blog and learning so much. Both parents were narcissists and sister and my grown daughter is the worst of all. Also several friends. I was just a narcissist magnet but No More. I really love the tips and tools that you give us to actually recognize and change the behaviors that we express.
My Ex was leading a double life. He was fired from his job (again). He was pretending to go somewhere everyday, probably boinking the girl from work (again).
I confronted him on what our bank account balance was.
(He was doing car repairs in our garage for side cash, but charging all the parts on our home credit card!)
The next day, I find a spread sheet of His Assets and Her Assets on the table.
I said, so you want a Divorce? He said, You said it, not me.
Totally calculating with every breath. They think their fooling you and inside your thinking. Are you kidding me? I mean you already can figure out these wannabe players.
Eventually I went on a trip for a few weeks and she began pulling away and giving me cold, one-word responses and acting very distant. I began to call her out on her behavior and was met with aggression and accusations of being controlling and possessive. It took me a very long time to recognize it was all projection. Anyway, she discarded me and as far as I know is still faking happiness with her main supply. I truly hope he sees her for what she is and leaves her.
You should take these tips and others you said in the past, do a reference at the end where to find it. Not a chat as such. Just an idea.
You have helped me understand so much that I wasn’t clear about. I can see the difference between healthy and unhealthy now. I can see WHY these relationships were harmful and abusive now.
I wish I could find the nice/ empathetic people in the UK.
What happen to me:
1. They never intended to leave (testing the waters on you in the Narc washing machine)
2. Something fell through with the new supply
3. Maybe they need something and they forgot/bad timing/waiting to get it from you before they leave
4. The new supply dumped them
I seriously just F’n love your guys!
Even if it is in hindsight…this is very, very helpful!
Sounds like my MIL, oh no, Zero empathy, lots of slandering and smear campaigns and recently she told me I was the root of all her stress and anxiety and that my boundaries for my kids isn’t being loving.
Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and l will give you rest …. Matthew 11:28 Thank you Jesus
Thank you for this, I understand this all too well. Narcs are the lowest form of life on earth and the biggest tricksters. They target the strongest and the most empathetic. They target us because we are good people.
9 years with him. I love your blog. Answers a lot of questions.
Another awesome lesson.
My ex narc tried to get me to buy her a mini dog for approx $4000.
I believe this! I wondered why he was put in my life and why I went through that, but in the end it brought me closer to god.
Their souls are about 5 or 6 years old.
What are the Characteristics of the (Narc) Jezebel Spirit?
1. Refuses to admit guilt or wrong
2. Takes credit for everything
3. Uses people to accomplish its agenda
4. Withholds information
5. pathological Liar
6. Never gives credit or shows gratitude
7. Criticizes everyone
8. One-upmanship
9. Is insubordinate
10. Is pushy and domineering
11. Uses the element of surprise
12. Sows seeds of discord
13. Commands attention
14. Is vengeful
15. Attempts to make you look like you’re the Jezebel (narc)
16. Insinuates disapproval
17. Knows it all (Never Wrong)
18. Hides Everything
Thank you, this is great information.
You have pin point everything, I knew I was not crazy!
I pull my hat to you guys who have survived this kind of suffering for entire marriages and/ or decades! My first narc cost me 2 years and drove me to a mental institution for 3 months. My second narc I discarded myself after 3 months, but it’s still hard work everyday to heal.
You help me cope here with your blog. I’m having so much trouble with the trauma bond I’m finding it very hard to let go of him the pain I the heart area physically hurts and takes your breath away.
Yes amen! Yes.
Nothing makes sense! That’s the theme of a Narc romantic relationship. Nice video, thank you!
Thanks for everything you do!
God removes toxic nuttys from our lives. Don’t let them back in to infest your life.
Thank you so much for this!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this blog. I was questioning if he is a narc until this blog. No doubt now. Every single thing mention was played on me. I am so grateful I got the final discard because he realized I was too strong for him. Now to heal.
THANK YOU. Anyone who disliked this blog is probably a narcissist! lol.
What they do is lie about lies.
Sometimes I felt like people who never came across a narcissist didn’t believe me or they thought….how can that be. Wow. I hate knowing people had to experience this stuff. But It feels so good when you know you are not alone and what feels better is knowing that I am not crazy and Yes this did happen to me. Thank you for this blog, thank you, thank you!
Thank you so much. This was gold. It’s really refreshing for you to offer so much value first and foremost.
On point guys!
God gave me value he created me to not be perfect but, perfectly me. Until I could see my own value I was doomed to repeat my mistakes. I was always the stronger one I was the glue that held him together while he was shredding me. My personality, my confidence, my intuition, my work ethic he attempted to take it all. God needed me to learn I dont have to give all.
I could always sense they never cared, and there was definitely no bond. Thank God!
This was the best blog I’ve seen on narcissists.
Thank you Empire Life!
UnHealthy EXCITEMENT.
VS. HEALTHY EXCITEMENT.
This is very helpful. Keep up the great work!
Excellent blog. So on point. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us.
Yes that’s it you’ve
Hit the nail on the
Head, their not stable.
The whole spiritual aspect of this is very real…and how they need to accept Christ to gain deliverance from these spirits. That’s why they look demon possessed when they fly into a rage..
God rescued us from the Narcs! The Narc is full of the Jezebel spirit!
You are truly a child of God I appreciate you.
God will truly bless your Ministry!
With this awareness…Next time the vampire comes tapping at your window, you know what happens when they enter your house.
Have bookmarked this, thank you so much!
“Satan’s Right Hand Man Sent Directly From the Depths of Hell”
Pure bliss reading this.
Stay awake from narc’s guys. pls.
Mine started my dark night of the soul, I started my inner healing and work. I am closer to God and higher vibrational.
You’re a complete blessing in my life.
YOU TRULY ARE MEANT TO DO THIS.WE MUST REMEMBER:WITH GOD THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES!
Walk away if you can guys, quietly. Good luck.
Exactly. Excellent Thanks.
When I was with the Narc I was constantly confused trying to understand the Bible and God through the narcs eyes. But when I left I found a verse and ever since, my relationship with Jesus is beautiful. I love that you are speaking about our Savior while spreading the truth about these types of “people”.
Going with a Narc will lead to nothing good, mostly only depression.
It was never enough for him, ever, I’m so happy I’m out.
keep helping me with all the information you share … God bless you in Jesus Christ Name… Amen
These games cause intense emotional exhaustion and anxiety…that’s a sign you’re being emotionally abused.
My health took a bad turn for the worse. These Narcs truly leave permanant damage in their wake.
God Bless you all
Very powerful
Going with a Narc will only cause depression.
When I discarded the narc he ran out of the house telling me I couldn’t be with him and GOD…It was pure evil…
God knows that we are being tested and his people are suffering. He wants us to turn to accept his word and live through it! We can spiritually defeat these demons by accepting Gods word into our lives. Stay in prayer for yourself, your children.
I’m a codependent who came from a dysfunctional, emotionally abusive home and met my narc ex-husband as a teen. Fast forward 30 years later; I wonder everyday why me?!! I know I am love and know how to love so why did I end up so abused and hurt? I’ve always felt that I am meant to heal, so was this experience what I had to go thru in order to heal myself first, then others? I never want another person to go thru what I’ve been thru, ever.
They can’t be your soulmate because they have no soul!
They never change. Even when they apologize, they are still faking.
Watch out for that smirk! That smirk comes from them admiring the fact that you are going for the lies!! Do not sign up for the Circus with these clowns! Do not take them serious!
Narcissist are all snakes.
They hate giving you time on your own in case you work them out.
Narcissists are fast and furious and when the reality sets in you discover that you’ve been hit by a speeding locamotive left broken and shattered.
Narcs always move fast because they don’t want their victims to see their true selves.
I love how you are describing the love bombing phase in that detail. I believe part of the guilt and remorse that he made me feel in the devaluation was because I was craving that amazing person I had met. Little did I know it was all scam, and i was crying for an actor, and i was crying for the new supply shown in his Instagram, and thought what did I do so wrong to deserve this. So many things I didnt know and so many tears wasted for someone that never existed, it is very hard.
He put me on a pedestal and refused to let me do anything for myself. I thought perhaps I’d been treated so poorly before that this must be how good men behave. Fast forward 8 years and I had no sense of self left. He drank daily, hid a cocaine addiction, screwed prostitutes, gaslighted me until I wanted to die. All the while, his shit eating grin made everyone think he was a goofy, harmless man. After I left him, he admitted to knowing he had complete control and said I was “convenient”.
I got the last laugh by putting him on blast on the internet for all to see and then I disappeared, regaining my control and ruining his false image for ever.
Yes EMPATHs stay away from NARCS, And Narcs in fake empaths clothing! Stick together! We are different for a reason and a purpose!
After months of NC…received an email from him…he’s broken-hearted and loves me. What a joke.
An angel on earth that’s exactly what he told me he was. I asked him why are you giving me all this stuff and tipping me so much money (I was a waitress at the time)… He said I am your guardian angel and I want you to see how the other half lives. None of that was true he lured me into a world of nothing but negativity.
Yes! When you say no, when you tell / show them a boundary the narcissist will not accept it and they will change. The narcissist will fail miserably though when you give them the ultimate no by going NO contact!
My Narc is Irish left me pregnant, neglected. Such a hell I went through because of him.
This blog is unnerving to me because I feel that it is my current situation!
These creatures are all same. OMG
And if they lie over little unnecessary things
What would happend if every narcissist in the world was to experience a spiritual awakening? Big Changes! For sure! I wish this for the world. 👍😏
Whenever I was in a great mood, feeling upbeat, hopeful, and excited about life (or about my day) he seemed “sour.”
Whenever I had stress, struggle, worry, or was just in a shitty mood, he seemed happy.
He was literally happy when I was feeling down/upset/angry.
I’m not sure if my child is a narcissist. There’s something . Tried to get my child help since very young. With no avail. My child is young adult now. Taken to jail yesterday for domestic harassment. There’s much more to this story. Forgiveness is easy,not allowing the crap to happen anymore. That’s hard. Thank you for your videos. This one really helped me today.
Lol haha story of my life twisted narcs at it again.
They’re all the same.
Exactly how it happened to me…it was a dream coming true
My gut told me that there was something wrong when I met the woman. My brain and heart wanted her. My gut said “danger”. It took me almost three years to figure out that she was Narcissistic Personality Disordered. She hid it so well.
The devil doesn’t come to you with a red face and horns, he comes to you disguised as everything you ever wanted.
You just described the 2nd month of my relationship…with the NARC!
It’s emotionally and psychologically draining.
Don’t care if he’s grooming another fool….just want her to take over so I could get less headaches.
I saw flashes of evil on their face more than once. It lasted for a split second but it was like looking at the picture of Dorian Grey! It was an extremely ugly face until it turned pretty again. But i caught it. Another thing was the superficiality. Nothing was ever deep, everything was at surface level, flighty.
I appreciate the straightforwardness.
Spot on! Well done! Thank you 🙏🏾
I have lived through this for the past 30 years! 😔
really enjoy the way you explain our trauma! It feels less awful to be able to laugh about this whole ordeal 🙏🏻
chronic lying and the gas-lighting really sent me in a spin
At one point, while i was looking at him after an argument, i find myself asking , what am i doing with this person?
They all act the same.
Really enjoy the way you explain our trauma! It feels less awful to be able to laugh about this whole ordeal 🙏🏻
My husband had done everything you mentioned throughout our marriage
really enjoy the way you explain our trauma! It feels less awful to be able to laugh about this whole ordeal 🙏🏻
It does get really hard when they start trying to trigger you by stealing from you because you have shut them out. I am living with one currently (in the process of moving out) and he has started stealing things because he cant get emotional reactions with words and realizes he is losing the battle so he upped the ante. This is where you are almost biting your tongue off.
Isn’t narcissism a disorder? Why does the video and comments seem so judgemental about what appears to be a painful condition? Are these people unredeemable?
“Before you can insult me, I must first value your opinion of me… Nice try though”
Yes yes & then yes again , I mean I feel hopeless & dreadful because I know what needs to be done but damn 😔
I really like the response so what, that’s awesome.
we are all a little narcissist. everythings in degrees….
“outsmart”. Waste of time. Disengage. Period. Incurable evil. You’ve been warned.
Narcs love long distance relationship s…cause they can have multiple manipulation s going on….than they see who gives more and is easy to manipulate before they dis guard or triangulate
I am an empath. My mother is a narcissist as are 2 of my ex boyfriends. Why do nice people attract such emotionally bankrupt people?
I don’t respond at all. Stay strong. I’m almost free. God is working.
“It’s unfortunate you feel that way,” is better than saying “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Never apologize to a narcissist. Validation is not required.
Learn NOT to interact with them in a personal way. I’ve accepted that they do NOT value my personhood, therefore, I do NOT value their opinions or presence. Their company is NOT edifying, but rather energy draining. They have taught me to be grateful, for the genuine GEMS (loving people) in my life and to build my character (self-control). Glory to God/Jesus for His wisdom and love! Stay strong survivors!
You can’t reason with a narcissist. They don’t care. No contact period. .get your power back!
He discarded me for 6 Months and the First Thing he Said to me , was a negative thing about my appereance.
He said that he saw my sister and my best friend.
He Said both are soooo Beautiful and sexy and he would like to have sex with both.
Narcissists don’t even know who they’re, just a lot of bs.
After months of NC.. received an email from him .. he’s broken-hearted and loves me. What a joke
Narcs are not people, they are beings who get into relationships to avoid being homeless.
If you entertain them when they hoover, they are “faux” nice for a minute. Then the games start and they turn up the torture 10x the last time. They get meaner.
Don’t worry about exposing the narcissist – give them time – they will out themselves. Middle age is brutal on these creeps. Just be the person that never gets tricked again – because now you know their mind-control METHODS.
It’s totally impossible to get even with a narcissist – they are always beneath you 😉
They are foil wrapped easter bunnies.
So pretty on the outside but unwrap and bite off an ear…its HOLLOW!!!
The Narc is like the devil knowing all the bible verses but failing to practice it in real life.
They hate giving you time on your own in case you work them out.
Dude you’re helping a ton of people
My ex narc was extremely Christian. The worst narcs are the ones who hide behind religion. I don’t agree that they don’t talk about death.
It’s heartbreaking. I’m disabled, so meeting someone who treated me like I was never treated before felt like heaven. Well, that was gone within two months. Ten years down, and I’m completely destroyed, my health is gone, he isolated me and kept me homeless and destitute all these years, even forced me to move away from where I was getting support, and in with his equally hateful parents who enable his abuse.
Yeah they never go to your “territory “ you always have to go to where their territory is , it’s how they maintain their bullshit power trip lol. They are so weak. They never want to do anything that you like to do. It’s always about them.
Staying with the narcissist almost cost me my life.
They never change. Even when they apologize, they are still faking.
Narcs are actors. It’s all a show they put on to lure you in . Anyone that says evil doesn’t exist clearly has never met a narcissist.
They don’t like hesitations, all I wanted was a little time to think about moving in, slammed phone down on me, wouldn’t answer phone for awhile. Red flag
when they play the “you can easily be replaced game” shake or sashay out of there! They will be back 10 fold, be ready with iron tight boundaries and good friends. Peace.
He was constantly pressuring me to make big life plans.
Where were you 17 years ago? Listen to your instincts people.
Best Tips:
– Do not play their game.
– Stay away from their reality.
– Do not invest.
Narcissists try to act like the strongest people but in reality in their core they are the most insecure weak people you could ever meet.
My opinion is these kind of people only care about their own needs never considering the other person’s feelings and are probably unable to🤔😶
These were really excellent. Very insightful.
Yes- they clam up. I’ve been through that so many times. They are really big on the silent treatment
He told me he regretted everything and that I was a mistake. Came back 2 days later apologizing and saying he was still angry over me being late to pick him up at the airport which had happened months before.
The narc would Hoover. I would let him in. Each time the devaluation came faster, the punishment would be worse, more intense then the discard would create a deeper gaping wound. My pain was his thrill and enjoyment.
When i opened the door to the hoover and Love Bomb it only took a week and then the Devalue and discard…..It only gets worse people and No Contact is the only way…
Never reason with a fool.
Best non-revange revange= no contact. This is the only thing that gets to a narc: being ignored
a narc is negative to the core and is only attracted to light in the hopes to snuff it out
Once you know what you’re dealing with these people tend to be dumber than a second coat of paint.
Just walk away. Let them be abusive to the empty space, in front of them. It makes them look silly
That’s alot of wasted energy just to get the same result every time. Best thing to do is ignore them and move on. Great videos… Ty
Thank you. Very helpful.
What is the difference between a sociopath and someone with NPD? Or isn’t there a difference?
I’m still healing after abuse from my family, step family. They never made me feel like family.
Expose them in every way you can, you may save someone life, time, nerves…
The lack of an objective diagnostic test for ‘narcissism’ presents two problems:
1) people being wrongly diagnosed as ‘narcissists’
2) people accusing anyone who displeases them of being a ‘narcissist’
Best advice .u are on point.42 yrs with a narcasist.divorcing soon.i am 57 now .it affects my health.earlier i had 2 nervous breakdown.i do most in your advice but i need to be free now.sometimes now i do not get angry i mysekf am surprise.i just start laughing at his words and action.
Best weapon to use against narcissists::: Factual information.
But I promise you they will still claim it’s wrong and they are right and you are a horrible person that should just worship them and shut up.
Thank you. You’re the only one I’ve heard actually say not to go in for revenge (because it’s bad karma). Are they kidding? Since
I see too many videos with titles like, “How to make the narcissist suffer.”
when do two wrongs make a right? It is traumatic suffering that has brought them to this terrible place.
Good advice for me thx
No cheating is an accident…none. However, I agree with everything else.
Great Information!
The final end was when I finally stood up for myself and just said exactly what I thought. But before this final blow up…over time I saw more and more of the exact descriptions of NPD.
My ex ex ex hovered me after 10 YEARS!
I made that mistake, emailed him and went off on him, wanted answers. Having good days/bad days. Some days I’m strong, other days I cry and think I miss him. I just feel nuts at times, 15 years wasted. Been apart 2 months.
I love being alone now that I have had some distance from the demon.
I’d rather be alone than be with a Narc.
I’m living with mine we are going through a divorce and when I start going out to do my thing I come home and here’s angry.
I truly feel like I was with the devil! I also have nightmares, headaches & experience anxiety!
I love me more. I am an empathetic person. Have a great family and beautiful friends. Not sure how I got sucked into this relationship.I was love bombed.
Narc currently hovering me, we have kids together and I was married to him. He started when I became happy and moved on.
Alone does not mean lonely. I keep that in mind always.
Thank you,
Can’t believe there are so many victims. What a learning experience for all of us. I did already know it was a toxic relationship but did not understand. Thank you for your knowledge. It is helpful.
Yes to nightmares.
Sick lies have destroyed my marriage, family, and children.
Fear the Character Assassination will transform into murder.
Narcissism is demonic and Satan comes to kill, steal and destroy.
She destroyed.
She stole.
Is killing me next?
I pray thanksgiving to God for protecting me.
I so love to see them do this! ( Especially with another Narc!)
If I was having a great day with my kids and everyone is happy and peaceful my narcissistic ex husband would always create a fight to ruin the moments.
If I was suffering or having a bad day I could always count on him to make the situation worse for me and then turn his back in me and abandon me.
That’s NOT a relationship AT ALL!
Destroyed a valued relationship with my aunt. I was heartbroken. It still hurts that my aunt could think such horrible things about me.
Their life has to always have drama going on. For people that say they don’t like drama, they sure do attract a lot!
If you would be honest and keep your distance from them, trust me, they’ll go away.
They wont bother with people who are unapologetically themselves.
Once I told a narc friend about how my pet had died, and they didn’t even listen and just replied with “cool”. I was constantly supposed to listen to them talk, but as soon as I opened my mouth they stopped listening after a couple of seconds.
Smear campaign is happening for me with my family feeling very stressed very scared maybe I better listen to my negative feelings even though it’s difficult.
I’m soaking in an Epson salt bath right this very minute!
You’re teaching me so much.
My mother called my brother and my daughters to try to smear me. Good thing she could not alienate me from my daughters but she was successful with my brother. My mother is an alcoholic and her alcoholism really causes her to do some very hurtful things.
I’m swearing off of Narcs… no more.
But in reality these are spirits of devil’s. Agents of darkness pretending to be in the light.
I just want to get something off my chest so please forgive me for the long message. Both my dad and his girlfriend are narcissists in my opinion and several years back I had to remove my dad’s girlfriend off of social media and bc of that she got child like and upset simply bc I disarmed her from spying on me.
Absolutely one of the best breakdowns of narcissistic and BPD characteristics. This is spot on and extremely outstanding.
We’re physically separated. He is kind and sweet and then turns nasty and insulting. I know this was a very unhealthy relationship (20 years), divorce is for the best…but I feel so sad.
Same stories, same evil steps…
They’ll fake empathy again & again as well, to try to build trust & rapport up if they sense they are losing their psychological hold over you.
So sad, and could never take ownership of anything.
When the person you’re with is making you feel confused about your reality. That’s a big red flag! Narcissist are very two faced and backstabbing. No relationship should be one sided or double standard as I might of stated before. That’s not a healthy relationship. Everything you’re saying is very true that’s exactly right just cause they ask a lot of questions doesn’t make one a narcissist.
What happens when an intelligent, emotionally healthy woman meets a narcissist… Will she recognize that he is emotionally unhealthy, and not buy into his game… Can she run away as fast as she can, like we should have…
Several times I caught my ex working hard to triangulate..
YEP true. I was recently in a relationship with a BPD (on the Narcissistic spectrum), a man I had dated as a young woman and had loved and idealized throughout my entire adulthood. I was lucky enough to reunite with him after 18 years. After 6 months the relationship ended in violence; I was devastated. When I was finally able to date again, the very first man I went out with revealed his BPD on the second date. I couldn’t believe that this disorder was “following” me around. After reading this blog, however, I now realize why: I keep choosing men with similar traits, so of course the issue is within ME. I’m being exposed to this dysfunction in order for me to get past my attraction to it, in order to grow and to shift that paradigm.
I thought my narcissistic husband cherished me…When I learned the things my husband said about me to his family… I felt the world come crashing down..I was floored..I’ve since accepted that he Is a classic covert “nice” narcissist..and the truth is discovered…
I am the only boss around here” PERFECTLY describes my mother. I asked my mother once, very calmly and politely, to please not do something, and she completely lost it. Slamming drawers, cursing, turning her back on me, etc. And my very codependent dad saw and heard the whole thing, and just stood there saying nothing. She and my dad were visiting me and leaving that afternoon to go home, and for the rest of the day she wouldn’t speak to me – she just glared at me with mental daggers shooting out of her eyes. As they were walking out the door to go back to their home, she tossed out a dismissive “bye” and didn’t even look at me.
Gee, no wonder I grew up being terrified of upsetting people or of any kind of confrontation…
In retrospect, I clearly see how my ex did this. His claim was these people he triangulated called him so he had to converse with them. But his pattern became clear. He spoke terribly of people in his past. They were all “crazy.” I dropped him so I’m sure I’m the crazy one now. I could not care less. As long as he’s gone, it does not matter what he says.
The hard part is narcs and cluster B attract each other, marry each other and raise and breed each other. So the lucky individual who does not develop these traits ends up alone going no contact with entire family. It’s heart breaking.
I think that subconsciously we codependents know that the triangulation and smearing is going on, but we were raised to be people pleasers and often not assertive. We let it happen sometimes rather than confront. This childhood codependency training is such BS. It took me far to long to figure it out.
Before I knew about narcissism, I dated a guy who used triangulation. I simply removed myself from the triangle.
Narcs are sadists who “masquerade” as “nice” people
to outsiders because they have to “hide” this secret
about themselves. That is why they are always “plotting”
evil against us and “setting-up” their “way out” so they
can keep getting away with their “sadistic” abuse of
their targets. Sadistic abuse can be emotional, financial,
and physical. They love to “sabotage” people. It is a real
“sickness” and they will do “Anything” to “Deceive” You and
Others about it. They know their “mask is going to slip”,
so they prepare for it with the smear campaign.
And, they are always making others feel “sorry” for them.
If you are talking to a Narc…especially a “covert.”
they are going to smear you.
My stomach is sick listening to this bc its what I’m dealing with. I noticed it happening and confronted him. Now I understand the game plan that the sick Narc a$$ has.
Lumps of mass to avoid.
Starve that narc!
I’m so glad I’ve realized this after almost 2 years of dating a narcissist and I thought I was going crazy until I realized that he has all the characteristics of one. He was charming and rushed the relationship and then only a few months in I caught him talking to other girls and I asked him to pick me or them and then I believed he would stop after he picked me but now almost 2 years later I really found out some hard truth because he was still talking to several other girls for our whole relationship behind my back and when I would cry and get upset about it he would say he’s sorry but get angry that I kept bringing it up and now I just can’t deal with the lies and manipulation anymore. It hurts so bad but I’m 3 days down without any communication with him. I hope I can stay strong and stay away for good.
Glad you focused on the triangulation part. Narcs that do this are very dangerous. Another thing I’ve picked up on identifying narcissists is that they never apologize for anything. Ever. There’s always an excuse to justify what they do, they’re always right, and they’re always the victim. Avoid them and cut them off.
They have to triangulate, they cannot afford to ever let the other two sides talk. They’ll be exposed for what they are. They have to keep you hating each other at all costs. Only way to hide the lies. Same stories are told to everyone and behind everyone’s back. They (you) are crazy, abusive etc. they make you judge people you’ve never met. The goal is to make everyone hate you. -Uncover the truth if you suspect this is happening. Ask questions of your friends and family to confirm.
I think I’m starting to get a rash just thinking about Narcs.
I’m finally leaving tomorrow with my life in black plastic bags and will be driving for days. Perfect timing for me because he locked in a new supply. She is a young stripper, let’s see how that works out.
They are embarrassed of who they really are run far away.
I’M NOT CRAZY!
My story exactly!
Gas lighting. Get away, far, far away.
Out my entire family, only my mother apologized and made amends. Currently, I’ve decided to create new standards and boundaries for everyone who wants to be in my life. For the first time, I feel confident in standing up for myself and what is right. So yes! If you focus on your own growth instead of smearing the narcissist …there will be happiness at the end of heartache and misery.
You’re teaching me so much.
So narccists call people behind your back including your family your friends there friends and their family and tell them how horrible you are…truly maddening.
so happy to find real love from some one who isn’t abusive and a liar and manipulative. Leave the narc they won’t have good luck.
They are so toxic exactly what I’m going through.
It’s not guilt or shame you can feel, do not take it on yourself.
wow…I sure wish I knew all this in my 30’s when I first married my ex….would’ve saved me a lot of grief…
Thank U For Sharing
For Over 5Yrs I Chased This
Person The Narcissists.For
Acceptance.This Person Belittled Me’ He Devalued Me Then I Was Finally DisCarded..It Hurts So Much….I Continue To Text .I Struggle With Going No Contact.
They will cut you with their words! Absolutely!
Glad you upgraded your equipment!
The Narcs…the ones who have attitude and extend subtle rudeness when you ask for help because those tend to be the people who when confronted that their behavior or approach comes across disrespectful will many times respond back with “you’re being too sensitive” which is infuriating. How does one deal with that? I would love your insights… Growing up anytime I would muster up the courage to speak up it would immediately get the response of “you’re too sensitive”, “you over-analyze everything”, “you are misunderstanding” which has left me second guessing myself all the f-in time, making me hesitate to say anything. I know this is the result of gaslighting.
This is my mother and my stepmom. Double ouch lol. Thank you.
wonderful explanation..thanks.
Awe Empire Life, sending positive vibes.
Exactly…100!
I’m glad you’re doing this not to MOCK but to actually help. It’s so actually helpful to me almost transcendent.
Thanks for explaining the behaviors in a clear understandable way. I realize my lack of boundaries opened myself up to allow these types to treat me as they do.
Cultured well defined.
Empire Life, you guys hit the nail on the head!
Awesome information and advice. It was super helpful. Thanks for posting.
Nice work Empire Life!
Thank you!
Thank you so much.
These things are true for a narcissist but for a covert narcissist they are trying to hide who they truly are they will fake empathy they will fake your friendship they will fake being a good mother they will fake loving you
They treat people as objects not as a person with feelings, it took me ages to get my head around this!. You’re nothing more than a Duracell battery powering their ego until it depletes you and you have zero energy left. Run before they deplete you.
I was so wounded at first I wanted to tell everyone what happened to me. Now I’m hearing from mutual friends who have discovered for themselves what she really is. Having these friends report their experience with the narc to me is more than enough gratification. Thanks!
When you’re shifting your mindset you’re leaving the narcissist’s world. It leads to his exposure very naturally. You just simply have nothing to say to him . You can’t even communicate with each other no more. You have to see them for who they are first, that is to say not only a jerk, it’s not that simple , but an insane individual whose behavior is inconsistent and reckless
I get this feeling SO BAD especially since the person still wont stop dragging my name through the mud. It’s so difficult but I just keep reminding myself to be the better person. I just have to know in my heart that eventually they will show their true colors.
For me… I couldn’t care less about what he’s doing. I feel bad for the next girl but… I just can’t focus on him or what he’s doing anymore 🤷🏻♀️ I just am over it and have been for a while.
I’ll be listening to this repeatedly until this is a lifestyle. Awesome information ♥
Narcissist deserve to be exposed for who they are.
no reaction + no contact (if possible) + gray rock (if contact) = best revenge against any narcissist
Stop caring about the narcissist. They have no significance or importance in your life. Leave them to worry about you and move on with your life.
I am sooo tired of feeling I am in a war:( I want peace, I want to feel free, safe and just be natural and me. This is a nightmare!
I unno … seems like Donald Trump is winning
Nars are abusive person.
Don’t waste your breath
Do you have anything to deal with your adult child showing all the signs of being a narcissist? Accusations flying, character assassination unbelievable, where I am left staggered and unbelievably hurt.
Poor audio..
The narcissist father of my baby took my baby. He lied in court and they gave him my baby. All he has done is manipulate everything. We have the parent app and I do not engage with his messages as he’s trying to control things. I feel sick to my stomach any time I have to pick up my baby or he comes to get him. I am trying to get my son back. He was never around and don’t understand why the judge gave my baby to him.
I learned all this because I’m done with this evil man
Finally have closure now that I know why things happened the way it did
No one can tell he is an arsehole…. he protects his fake facade really well…… the first month was amazing.. he mirrored me… I told him …. we have the same temperament… calm… I was so glad… because anxious people make me anxious…. well guess what… he was a ball of anger n anxiety…. 😨😨😨😨 his abuse started in the second month… and it never stopped…. 😢😢
The hardest part for me when realizing what a narcissist was and that I was with a narcissist… was also realizing I was codependent and coming to terms with myself.
I’m done giving these narcissists their ego boosts and validation AKA narcissist supply!
That’s an eye opener!
Boundaries are key and your blogs are soooo empowering! Many many thanks from Chicago!
Pure wisdom.
You are on point with everything and I just got out of a relationship with a narcissist!
That was excellent. Very informative. A great reminder too.
Thank you for all that information because nobody teaches relationship, there are not classes to prepare you for life. Sometimes is just experience teaches you the hard way. So this information you give is great.
Thank you for all of your healing information.
Thank you. Some stuff you learn the hard way I guess..
hurt people hurt. hurt others . sad, no more, guys, no more.
Yup I got so sick of him, wasn’t validating him, wasn’t giving him the supply I had for 15 yrs, he discarded me months later.
Your blog is gold! Thank you!
On the spot..I’ve been through all these traits…
This is so helpful – THANK YOU!
woow it took me 5 years of suffering i wish i knew this before.
Love your style. Thank you.
Nice, thank you guys!
Excellent service you’re providing!
J’adore.
This sums up my life story! Where were you 25 years ago? Wish I knew this then.
Wow, all I got to say is wow! Thank you Empire Life!
Amazing! This describes my last relationship so well! I had no idea what a narcissist was before this blog. Thanks!
Everyday will look like this eventually with a Narc, I have it everyday now…conversations everyday “see you’re crazy this is why blah blah blah”…
Hopefully you all can get out before they put you in the hospital. These abusive relationship with Narcs don’t ever end well!
Everything you’ve described perfectly fits my ex fiancé. currently going through the grieving process of freshly getting out of a relationship. Dealing with feelings of betrayal are actually better than being depressed so i’m grateful for that at least. He was living a double life, lying and cheating while we were engaged. of course he justifies all of his actions and he is the victim and it’s my fault. I wish I would have known about narcissism 6 years ago. I had him so high up on a pedestal like he was a GOD, from years of his charm and narcissistic manipulation, which has made it so hard for me to leave despite all the emotional abuse…
Unfortunately I became pregnant, yet I wouldn’t expect them to stay even if you are pregnant. They are heartless.
The way you speak about this is really clear. I really needed to hear this.
However, if you are staying, be safe.
You explained my past relationship with a narcissist to a tee. Although I have moved on, your blog armed me with even more insight going into the future. Thank you so much.
You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know.
Nailed it. No empathy from my narc. Zilch. Nada. Selfish. Thanks.
Get fresh air and sunlight this will cure a lot of narc abuse.
Thanks my boyfriend I know is a narcissistic person always putting me down and I’m alot younger than him but he met his match I’m soooo clever and the battle was futile.
You just described my ex . Thanks for your help
He had ‘ZERO’ self awareness…
This is insightful wisdom about which I wish I knew earlier in my life… It seems as if it is an old adage to trick decent empathic people with empty words. Narcissists pounce like a lion on a gazelle.
Really love your blogs, as they are so practical and down to earth.
1000% Accurate!
This is the best explanation of how to identify a narcissistic person I have seen. Thank you! You confirmed some things for me about a coworker.
I happen to have social anxiety and the only trait I wished I had from a narcissist is not caring what other people think.
Love this!
They play so many games, and it’s always about making themselves feel superior.
Triangulation might be the worst thing a Narc can do to someone who is/was genuinely emotionally involved with them, ESPECIALLY through social media. I learned the hard way at the beginning of the relationship, as well as on my way out of the relationship. She actually went as far as to show me nudes of other guys one week before I moved out of the house…….Wow. Just absolutely unbelievable. People like her are master destroyers on every level.
It can be as small as in front of a waitress “joking” – we need extra napkins for her. Even the waitress said, “Now, why you throwing your wife under the bus”…
“They can’t get to that space of: “what happened to me??”
“That’s not what I heard…” Immortal words of flying monkeys
So agree! Everything a narcissist says is a diversionary tactic…to prevent their true evil and inadequate nature from being revealed.
Yea I was wondering why he just couldn’t leave he had to destroy me and he totally has to be the victim I told him he was not ! he played victim to me being pregnant! I told him he wasn’t the one who got left out in the cold why was he upset and mad and treating me bad! His family even believes he’s the victim but why he left me alone.
These people need to be dumped into a giant hole
Just broke up with a narc. And could never take ownership of anything. She posted so much crap to Facebook also about herself. She was such a childish individual. She broke up with me and I told her the best thing that happened in our relationship was exactly that….she broke up with me and set me free.Thank god.
I’ve always found even before I awoken to this stuff that if someone tells you they are a nice person or generous or non abusive or whatever they usually aren’t.
Some smear campaigns destroy your entire life and any way of making money or having a career or having any rights as a human being in the United States of America where those rights are supposed to be protected.
So in a nutshell it’s about control and inconsistency.
If a person set boundaries but do not “act” when they are crossed, that person is a perfect target for narcissistic.
Inspect them. Really inspect them before you give of yourself.
oh my gosh… I wish I could have listened to you years ago….you would have saved me a lot of pain.
I have researched narcissism for years, but you are absolutely the best at explaining the disorder. I seem to always attract them as I am the fixer and people pleaser.
Wow that describes my last date in detail!
Having a narcissistic mother I know only too well how this goes, my feelings are irrelevant always, her problems are always worse, it’s always about her, she does nothing wrong ever, if I’m upset because of her nasty words it’s my fault not hers, even after her being violent it’s always been my fault. I’m now 35 and just realising that it’s not me that’s the problem it’s her… the damage has been done, the daily guilt of feeling responsible for her happiness is immense and it’s so hard to cut the tie but every cell in my body says it’s the right thing to do no matter how sad I feel at the thought of not having the loving supportive parents we should all have and tormenting myself that I might be wrong but I know I’m not and it’s heartbreaking.
The longer you are away from them, the clearer things become! Yes! So true! Coming out of the brainwashing takes time. More time than I anticipated.
They think they are so much bigger and better, looking down on us when they are playing these games. The reality is that their abilities and importance are exaggerated and that is why they have such a desperate need to play these games. Secure, healthy people do not feel the need to play any games with you.
They fake a relationship! It never was a relationship! They’re haters not helpers!
I call it sleeping with the enemy and that’s how it feels. Not good!
They treat everybody the same way just in different times. One will get more attention because they have what they want for that particular time. Not really respect just have more consideration because they have what they want. When somebody has something a narcissist wants they’re more nice but as soon as they want something else they’re like whatever.